I just returned from a trip back home and this was one of the first trips in a long time that I haven’t had this negative vibe about being back there. Normally I have this overwhelming jumble of negative emotions just follow me around while I’m home, which normally leads to some sort of breakdown and me wanting to get on the first flight back to Melbourne. I guess I’ve finally learnt that I am who I am, no matter where I am. I am finally grateful again for the beautiful place I was lucky enough to grow up in. This did take me a few years though…
Three years ago, I had a moment. In this moment, I thought ‘my life has been on repeat in a vicious cycle. I need change and I need it fast’. I decided that I would move from a small city of 160,000 people to a city with upward of 4.6 million people. That city was Melbourne.
There were a few reasons that lead me to this decision and to be entirely honest, most weren’t good. I was in a habit of doing things that I knew I would regret, but doing them anyway and dealing with the backlash by pretending I didn’t actually care. In hindsight, I didn’t like the person I was and my solution for that was to change everything around me. Although, at the time I didn’t realise this; I thought it was all these other reasons that made me want to leave.
Once I decided I was leaving there was no changing my mind. I kept the decision to myself in the beginning while I planned how I was going to drive across the country myself, to a city I’d been to once, without a place to live. Most people where I’m from talk about leaving all the time, yet few people follow through with it.
When I do return home, I always have multiple people tell me how proud they are of me for leaving and achieving things. They will tell me again how this wish they could do what I did. How they would love to get out but ‘just can’t’. I simply keep my mouth shut and internally call BS.
This brings me to this post. I wholeheartedly believe that if you want to do something, whatever that something is, you WILL do it. No ifs, buts or maybes. And it honestly is frustrating sometimes, hearing people speak words that mean nothing and make empty promises. It’s frustrating because anyone can do anything! If you want to start a business, you can. If you want to live completely off the grid, you can. Even small things like wanting to talk to someone for the first time, you can do it.
All it comes down to is one simple thing: do you actually want to do what you say you want to do?
If someone says to me, I want to run a marathon, the first thing I will ask is ‘what are you doing right now to achieve that?’. If their answer is non-existent, or something along the lines of ‘well I want to train for it but I haven’t had time’, or ‘I wouldn’t be able to do it this year so I’ll start training later’, I don’t even entertain the idea of discussing it with them because I can already tell they most likely won’t do it. Steps towards something are what count, even if they are baby steps. Talking about taking steps isn’t the same as actually taking them.
Although this post is sounding a little negative, I promise I don’t mean it in that way. All I am trying to say is if you want something, go out and get it. It is totally okay if sometimes you think you want something and then it turns out not to be right for you, as long as you try it first. Just don’t be one of those people that others treat as the boy who cried wolf by continually coming up with empty promises and being in the same place all your life (physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally).
Work towards something, but most importantly, love whatever it is you’re doing because if you don’t, you won’t enjoy it and it will more than likely fail. Just step back, evaluate your values and work out what’s important to you, then go for it. Life is too short not to take risks and try new things.
On a final note, I consider moving away from home the best thing I have ever done. I have grown and changed so much, I am doing something I absolutely love as a career, I met my boy and most importantly, I have learnt to accept that who I was three years ago wasn’t a mistake. Where I was then was exactly where I needed to be at that time. Who I was then was exactly who I needed to be at that time. I will always be grateful for the good, bad and ugly aspects of my past as they made me who I am and brought me to this point in my life.
Just remember: being true to yourself will help you in whatever you choose to do. If you can live with your decision to do, or not to do something, then that is all that matters.
Ps. How gorg are the photo’s of my home town!