These last few weeks have been a little rocky for me. Well, when I say a little, I mean a really, f***ing huge amount of rocky. Like, rockier than all the rocks on the planet put together. The positive thing about these not so fun, borderline traumatic and full fledged shitty weeks for little old George, is that they reminded me of an important message…
'You are 100% responsible for the life you live'.
Now before you roll your eyes and think ‘wonderful, another twenty-something year old telling me how to live my life, what would they know about life’, hear me out.
When I moved back to Cairns from Melbourne, I was certain of my future. I knew what I wanted. How to get it. Why I wanted it. No one and nothing could get in my way. The first two weeks in Cairns I was on my A-game. Smashing goals. Investing in my future. Being super motivated. Head down, bum up kind of picture. Then a few interesting conversations about life and a bad run of PMS got me into this unbelievably dark slump that I honestly saw no end of.
Basically my train of thought went from ‘life is what we make it…. think positive… life is full of magic… the universe will look after you if you are on the right path’ to ’humans are unbelievably stupid to think there is any point to anything we do… there is no point to life… there is no point in eating healthy food or taking beautiful photos… there is no point to living’. So about as dark and as polar opposite as you can get. Understandably, my desire to run a blog, YouTube channel and Instagram page based around life, happiness and positivity completely disappeared, hence my lack of doing anything for any of those platforms this past month.
I beat myself up for most of that time since almost every single one of my goals on my vision board were ruined within a matter of weeks. I felt so lost. I still do a little (but now at least I feel lost but with a hint of optimism instead of a toxic run of pessimism running through my veins).
Now, to the point of that statement I made at the beginning - You are 100% responsible for the life you live - in case you forgot. Even in those few weeks where I was feeling like there was no point to anything I did and was therefor questioning everything I did or wanted or thought I wanted, this statement is still relevant. You can take this statement and apply it to any mind-frame, action and human because it is always appropriate.
Although there is truth in the thoughts I had in those few weeks, the way I use those thoughts now is completely different. I see ‘life being pointless’ as a blessing. As permission to do anything I want to with my life. To make decisions based solely on what I want without overthinking the why/what’s the point behind everything. Want to know how I turned a bout of deathly thoughts and severe pessimism into one of the most exciting and exhilarating thoughts I’ve ever had?
I changed my mind.
No one else changed it for me. I didn’t rush it or force it. I didn’t expect someone to come and rescue me. I accepted I was feeling a little shit, sat with those feelings for a bit, decided that way of thinking and that life wasn’t for me and changed it. I took responsibility for my thoughts and my life, and here I am. Not hating my life. Not eating unhealthy food. Not drinking alcohol for no reason. Not watching Netflix for hours. Not expecting others to validate my existence. Not waiting for the world to fix itself so I feel better. Not punishing myself for something I can’t change.
So if you’re wondering how you can take life into your hands and have more control of how you feel or the habits you build, all you have to do is recognise that you and you alone are 100% responsible for the life you live and take action to create that life. Stop making excuses. Stop over thinking. Make a plan. Do your best to stick to it but don’t fret if you start to veer a little off course at some points. Enjoy the adventure. Life is pointless so we might as well have fun with it.
I’m not sure if this post will make much sense to you; to be honest I think I wrote this more for me so that I could reflect on that seemingly random, out of the blue somewhat depressed hole I was in. But, I know I am not the only human who has gone through or is currently going through a shitty time like this so I hope in some way I have been able to help you.
I’m excited to be back on track and feeling good about life again. Who would’ve thought that even Happy Little Human herself would go through such a dark time… just kidding, I’m only human and this is something I’ve gone through before and I anticipate I will go through again. But I’m okay with that, nothing like a little perspective to remind you whats important.